My Dad, the Career Man

“This is Geren.”

 

No matter which phone line you called, work, cell, or home, that was the answer you got when calling my Dad.

It’s time now to get to know my Dad as the hard-working, dedicated career man.

I’ve struggled with this post…like really struggled, as I partly blame the stress of his career for bringing on the early onset of his disease.  But not just the stress of the job, the stress caused by people at the job.  So, how do I approach telling you about this side of my Dad and do so with grace… the same grace he showed them when I’m still so hurt and bitter?

Well… here goes.

 

My Dad graduated from Armstrong High School in 1972 and went on to receive his degree in Psychology from the University of Illinois in 1976 and his Master’s degree in the Detection of Deception from Reid College in Chicago, that same year.  I remember when my Dad’s obituary came out a friend reached out to me and commented on how difficult it must have been as a child to get away with lying!  Ha!  I honestly never thought about it, but I’m sure now looking back, he always knew.  (Not that we ever lied as kids, we were perfect children!)

For eleven years, my Dad worked with Everette Gibbs as a polygraph examiner and later had his own business doing polygraph examinations.

 

He traveled all over giving polygraph exams.  He’d come home with so many papers and reports needing to be filled out.  One Christmas we drove down to Florida to my Aunt’s house and he packed up boxes of paperwork in the car to work on reports while on vacation.  I’m sure that wasn’t stressful, right?  But then, President Reagan decided to do away with the polygraph, so there went a career my Dad invested over a decade of his life to, gone.  I remember writing a letter to old Ronald, begging him to not do away with my Dad’s line of work.  I guess he never got my letter.

So, now what does my Dad do?

Well, I’ll tell you what my Dad did… NOTHING.

I was young when this all went down, but looking back, how could he not have been a bit depressed?  He had been his own boss, doing a job he loved, and now he’s a stay at home Dad, sitting on the couch all day, watching Perry Mason with my baby sister, unable to provide for his family. The only thing missing were the bonbons.  Times were rough.  My Mom was a teacher, and we all know teachers make BANK, which must have been why we were on free and reduced lunch.  Right?

Through good times and bad…

For richer or poorer.

My Dad finally got inspired again and shifted occupations to becoming a financial advisor.

 

 

My Dad’s cousin, Tom Brown, was a financial advisor, and I know my Dad loved him and always looked up to and admired him, so it was a good fit for my Dad to go to work with Tom and be taken under his wing.  From there, he was then able to work for a few different companies, including Palmer National Bank, Old National Bank, and AG Edwards, which became Wachovia, and then Wells Fargo Advisors in Danville.

My Dad worked all.the.time.

He worked hard. Went in early, stayed late.  Our house was FULL of boxes of paperwork.  This wasn’t a 9-5 job, this was a job that loomed over him all the time and sucked everything out of him.  It consumed him.

Now when you are dealing with people’s life savings, it’s important to build relationships.  He was their friend, not out to nickel and dime them or just “churn” their investments to make the most profit for himself.  He genuinely cared for his clients.  He wanted to do what was best for them, not him.  And being the people person that he was, he had amazing clientele.  But, the stock market and dealing with people’s finances is stressful!  What shouldn’t be stressful though, is your work environment, and unfortunately, when you’re being taken advantage of, like hundreds of thousands of dollars advantage of, and you can no longer trust co-workers, you’re bound to have some stress.

So, grace. That’s all I’ll say about that…

Moving on… in the summer of 2010, my Mom, who was now retired from teaching, started helping my Dad occasionally at work and then in the fall of 2011 she began helping him full time.  They were a great team!  She was limited to only being able to come in and assist him three times a week, even though HE was the one paying her salary…which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but what do I know as  I’m not the boss.  It wasn’t immediate, but Mom did start to notice a few things being off.  For example, they had a brand new computer system, and my Dad wasn’t exactly the most tech savvy person, and he just could not figure out how to make a sale on the computer.   One day a lady called and talked to Dad and told him she wanted to sell everything.  He jotted down a note on paper to remind himself instead of using the notes section on the new computer system, he made the transaction, and later she calls back and says she didn’t want to sell everything, but too late.  If he had put it in the notes instead of on paper, he would have had proof that she requested that transaction, but instead, it ended up costing him big time as he had to buy everything back.  Then on another occasion, a lady comes in, and later that afternoon he had no recollection of her being there.  People would call and he wouldn’t return their calls, he was entering things in wrongly to the computer system, and that’s just not good.  My Mom never sold anything for him, but if he ever needed to know how to do so, they’d call headquarters together to walk through the steps.  There’s that teamwork I mentioned.

 

Then came the day it was time to renew his broker’s license, his Series 7.  The day of the test he asked my mom to drive him, which she found odd, but she attributed it to nerves.  After taking the test you know immediately if you passed or not… and he didn’t.  He returned to the car where my mom was waiting for him, upset and disheartened.  Not passing this test meant no license.  He returned to work, having to tell the boss he didn’t pass, and as if that weren’t embarrassing enough, let’s throw in a little belittling to the mix from said boss.  Building each other up and encouraging one another must not have been their motto there at the office.  So… more stress. 

He studied and studied for that second taking of the test.  My Mom got online to see how the test was set up and she got it figured out.  She tried telling my Dad the strategies he needed for passing, but when you have short term memory issues, it’s hard to remember those strategies and re-learn how to actually take a test.  By the grace of God, and I’m sure many prayers, he passed!  What a relief for him, but studying for the test, the worry of failing again, and not being able to do his job any longer was stressful.  Do you see where I’m going here?

Then comes the spring of 2013.  Mom is still working with Dad, but things aren’t good.  She was pretty sure that on the days she wasn’t there, he didn’t do much work or made any sales.  He was struggling.  His boss was all over his case, going as far as to instruct her assistant NOT to help him, mad that my Mom was helping him so much.  Warning him, writing him up, threatening to fire him.  STRESS.  She obviously knew things were going on, that he was having issues, and yet instead of showing concern or even love, it was hate.  Where was the grace shown to him after he showed so much to her years prior?

And then came the breaking point.

One day Jim Skinner, a client turned best friend, called and Dad couldn’t help him on something easy.  Mom was doing more than she should have been doing, and so after feeling like he was being forced out anyways, they decided it was time to retire.  One Friday night in March of 2013, they stayed late, packed everything up, and wrote up their resignation letters.  They returned Monday, as a courtesy,  to turn in their letters, and to say people were shocked would be an understatement.  I’m not quite sure why though, as it seemed like they were getting exactly what they wanted.

And so after years of hard work, dedication, time, and energy put into making that company a success, he was rewarded with no retirement party, no open house, and no opportunity to say goodbye to clients.  Pretty much, don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.  Sad.

He loved his clients.

It was hard for him leaving a job he loved doing, no matter how stressful it was at times.  He was always wanting to go back, and wasn’t happy being home.  He just had a drive about him.  And I don’t want you to be lead to believe that everyone up there was against my Dad, that wasn’t the case.  He did have a few great co-workers over the years that he loved and one in particular who took it super hard when he left.

But, would you be surprised to learn that even on my Dad’s worst days, he was still doing more work than others?  The proof… the office closed a year later.

So, yes, I blame work and stress on bringing on his symptoms.  I’m bitter, like I said.  Does stress play a role in Alzheimer’s disease?  Is having a job working with numbers all day harder on your brain than not?  Who knows?  But in my opinion, it’s definitely a factor.  It seemed like after he retired things started declining more quickly as he wasn’t forced to work his brain as hard.  He worked hard for so many years and for him to not get an opportunity to enjoy his golden years with my Mom kills me.  He deserved a break.  He deserved that time to enjoy being free, that time to travel, garden, go to grandkids ball games, do the things he loved doing.  He was robbed.

Thank you God for blessing me with a Dad with a strong work ethic.  A dad that showed love and grace to others when little to none at times was shown to him.  Thank you for the blessing he was to others and for the friendships and relationships he formed doing a job he loved.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” Colossians 3:23